The grunter wants you to know that the weight he's pushing is serious business. Sounds vomited from his voice box will resemble gorilla battle cries, wolf howls, and the screams of souls as they're tortured in hell. Spot these individuals upon entry into the gym so as to not shit your pants when the sounds of murder drift to your ears.
Exercise extreme caution when moving around thrusters. Eye contact with thrusters is known to cause dry-mouth, uncontrollable shivering, and nausea.
The perspirator leaves behind a trail of goo, making it incredibly difficult to use machines they've recently operated. Perspirators also tend to smell like oxen in heat, and, as a result, require large amounts of space. One perspirator can shut down entire areas of a gym.
The sleeper really likes napping on uncomfortable leather and metal constructions and on things that other people would like to commandeer. Sleepers take time to read novels, develop artistic passions, and do their day job in between sets. Do not request a machine from a sleeper, as they are likely to respond like a bear being woken from hibernation.
The narcissist can often be found near free-weights, adorned in revealing garb that appears to have been run through a woodchipper. Narcissists are unlikely to notice other gym-goers, unless the other gym-goers are not noticing them. If it is the case that a narcissist is not feeling a sufficient number of eyes on his physique, he may become a hybrid of the thruster and grunter types. Pay the narcissist his dues to avoid making him try more attention seeking behaviors.
UPDATE:
As per request, here is the sixth breed.
So, are the people who take the free weights away from their station and move directly in front of a mirror a combination of 1, 2, and 5? Also, I think that you may have forgotten one. The Creeper: someone who spends the majority of their time awkwardly watching other individuals work out, especially during unflattering exercises.
ReplyDeleteThis is freaking hilarious! I HATE those Grunts especially-----what the hell is going on there psychologically with all that moaning and groaning? The Creeper cartoon is absolutely hilarious, and I love the tiny muscles on the Narcissist. You should send this cartoon to The New Yorker.
ReplyDeleteWhat about the peacocks ? They try to come off as professionals at weightlifting and try to give advice to EVERYONE ! While having no proof in their pudding XD
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